Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I Have the Palette of a Drunk 5 year Old

So we are almost at 3000 views and 50 posts. We are just trucking along, aren't we? Well since we have gone this far and you have stayed with us, we thought we would dedicate this week to you guys getting to know us! I know, such fun! (Miranda-ism.  I am a little obsessed, thank you.)

You guys have been reading our love letters and our opinions on things for weeks, but we feel you are barely scratching the surface of getting to know us. We would love to know you as well by the way. Do not fear the comment section. We get quite excited when we get one. So yes, back on track, we decided that each post this week we would reveal something new, you may not know about us, and what regular posts may not reveal. (Oh the only regular reader is my mom? Yes, she already knows too much about me. Oh well, maybe by revealing something new, we can get more readers! Optimism or denial? I am not sure.)

Let's continue. So this post is my (Katie's) reveal. I would like to talk to you about how I have the palette of a drunk 5 year old. Don't worry I plan to explain. This is my way of explaining my picky eating habits. I truly abhor that I am a picky eater. I always hoped when I got older, I would grow out of it and be going out with friends to that new Thai restaurant and being excited about it rather than anxious, because if there is not something with chicken, where I can mainly just pick out the chicken and ignore all the other bits, I am totally screwed. (That is a long sentence...sorry) If there is nothing, that is when I usually lie and say, I already ate and then sit there staring wishing I had some french fries.

So onto explaining the drunk 5 year old. Well, everyone knows about acquired tastes. Some foods are known for the need to have them many times before you develop a taste for them. These things include coffee, wine and the like. Now, I feel all my tastes are acquired. About 5 years ago, you could not get me to eat a red meat. Red meat mainly disgusted me. BBQs were always troublesome, where as a child I would just eat hamburger and hotdog buns and nothing else. However, slowly over time I would try steak and other things from my family and friends plates. It smelled good and most of the time wasn't bad. And over the years, I liked it more and more. Now I love steak, burgers, and anything with red meat that is not too covered in sauce. I hate extras on food. Too much flavor for me. Blech. So as I thought about that, I decided all my tastes must be acquired. I need years to finally like any new food. I have obviously acquired all the food tastes you get as a child. Those were forced by my parents making me eat them. So, I love pizza, chicken nuggets, french fries, and some healthy things like apples, carrots and grapes.

Tangent/Story Time:
I was at work on day and had miraculously brought my lunch in rather than buy a slice of pizza or chicken fingers from the deli downstairs. I had a peanut-butter sandwich (because Jelly is gross. Yes, I said it.) grapes, wheat thins, and a pop (That is Midwest for Soda, if you weren't aware. Also known as the proper term) My boss walks by and sees my, what i think is a fairly balanced meal,  stares at it, and then laughs. I sit there confused. Then she says, "You know I just sent my 3rd old to school with the same lunch. Except I cut the grapes in half in so she doesn't choke. I could do that for you." Don't read that as rude, she was quite nice about it and I laughed. I was known in the office as a poor eater. However, it was still a little bit of a sad moment. I thought, woohoo, that morning. I am being an adult. I made my lunch. I have a little bit of everything. I am growing up. Nope, I am being as much of an adult as a 3yr old is. I get to be 5yrs old though because I made it myself. Great. In that same office, I have been told about how I am going to die due to the fact that I never went more than 3 days without a basket of chicken fingers for lunch. Many wonder why I am not 300lbs. I wonder too to be honest. It was all out of concern and sheer confusion for how I survive and will survive in the future.

End of tangent/story time. All my foods are those foods kids never escape. So once I could make my own food decisions, these were what I had and I did not like any new venture at first. So I stopped forcing new food altogether. So here I am at 22 and only eating pizza and fries.

Now your still wondering why the palette is a drunk 5yr old. Well, that is quite easy to explain. You have the 5yr old part already. So when you enter you late teens and early twenties, drinking is an obvious activity to take part in. At first, I was as sad as could be, and only drank Mike's Hard Lemonade (I know appalling, isn't it) because it tasted like juice and not alcohol. Obviously it tasted that way because there is more sugar than alcohol in it; and that was also why drinking never seemed appealing at first. I never got drunk, I just got a headache from the obscene amount of sugar I would drink in a night. So I knew this needed to change. So I took a tiny step and that was this delicious cocktail of orange juice and whipped cream vodka. I know it seems odd but it tastes like a dreamsicle and is delicious. I still drink those. However, now I can longer taste vodka because I have had them too many times. So that can lead to some trainwreck nights.

However, that drink did not solve my problems for long. House parties and byob events were fine, but bars were a problem. So when I turned 21, I had no idea what to order. So I decided I was not going to one of those girly girls who only drank daiquiris and fruity cocktails. I can't take those girls seriously, so that will not be me. So I forced myself to drink beer. At first, this was very difficult. I had to do that force-my-face-not-to-grimace-from-the-taste-and-remain-neutral-thing. It never works you just end up looking a combination of both, and then no one knows what the hell you're doing. They tend to ask if you are okay. However, over time I began to like beer. I can now drink almost anything you put in front of me and be fine. I even get complimented for being a girl who likes beer. But don't ask what a good beer is. I can't do that. I have no sense for what a good taste is. I just know I can drink this without making a face and that is a triumph.

There was still one thing I was missing though from being a true drunk 5yr old. You cannot include drunk if all you have is hard liquor mixed drinks and beer. That does not a drunk make. You obviously need shots. This was the scariest part of the drinking process. I wanted to be cool and the kinda girl that can handle whiskey (I am not, still). So when it came to that part, I always lied at first. Oh no, I can't do shots. They cause an instant bad reaction. It was enough to get people to leave me alone. However, when the bars came in, that was harder. People would just buy rounds of shots for everyone.

My first shot was a shot of whiskey bought by a friend. His words were, " I paid for that you have to drink it." I should have replied, "Yeah you paid, you drink it." But I cannot be rude like that. He was doing something nice. So I had no chaser, a shot of pure alcohol in front of me, and was in a public place. I knew I would hate the taste and feared spitting it all over the table or throwing up or god knows. But I couldn't be rude. So picked it up, cheers-ed, and downed it. I got it down (impressed myself there) and my mouth was burning. I needed a chaser. This taste could not stay. Something bad would happen. So in front of me was an empty beer bucket full of ice. So I, as the classy being I am, shoved my hand in the ice bucked, pulled the ice out, and stuck it in my mouth. It looked very lady-like. It fixed the issue though. So I am 1 for 1.

Since I did survive the shot though, I knew I could do it. So again over-time, I was able to take a shot as long as I had my drink somewhere near by. It is still that way. I cannot deal with just straight alcohol, but I can handle myself in a bar.

So because of all of this, I can no longer taste whipped cream vodka, vodka in anything, or, a new discovery, tequila in sour mix. I can drink anywhere and I do. I am still working on the wine part of this though. I can handle sweet wines. Once I can drink a Pinot Grigio with no issues, I will be a complete drunk 5yr old.

So there you are. I am a drunk 5yr old. I forced myself to like alcohol to handle adulthood and then have had enough time to like the same foods as a 5yr old. That is my fun fact and some stories to make you probably have less respect for me. Oh well at least I am being honest. How often does that happen?

Twitter: Andimatrainwrec (Katie), npalmerco08 (Nora)
Tumblr: Aaanndimatrainweck (official),  kahildreth (Katie), stillnuttypony (Nora)

And yes we did just re-read that and said, "Who let's us talk to people!"