Yes, I have had big girl jobs since I was 16. I worked in offices as receptionists, interns, marketing assistants and things like that. I did work retail and others too, but just making a point that this is not my first time in the "office" world. I have been in this thrilling world for a while now. Thanks to connections. (My Mom)
However, this time it is different. There is one major difference between those office jobs and this one. No, it's not the pay (not really). It is not more professional. I am not viewed any differently. The only major difference (besides not being called intern even though I'm doing the same things.) is that there is no end date for this job and that is a first. Every job I have ever worked has had an end date. A time to look forward to when things would change, and all the bad things of this job would be left behind. Don't get me wrong, not all of the jobs were bad (mostly it was the getting up early part which this job does not have. 1-5pm! Woot!) But every one of those jobs was either a Summer Internship, when the cooler months of September hit, I was off on some new adventure rather than stuck in that routine; or it was a school job. Once the semester ended, I could look forward to some relaxing time without worry of homework or being somewhere on time other than my friends house. Now that luxury is gone. Now, all I can see in front of me is what is in front of me now. This desktop, at this desk, with these people, in this building. I will be here for an unknowable amount time and frankly that is terrifying. I have no plan besides this. I have nothing else going on but this (and this wonderful blog).
I am not sure exactly why I wanted to write about this. But it is a really weird concept for someone my age. This could be something that never ends. That has never happened before. Everything in my life ends and ends fairly quickly. First each quarter of high school is different. Then each semester of college is different; with different teachers, classes, shows (Theatre Geek. What can I say?) Then each year is different because of similar things like classes, but then you also gain new people with the old students leaving, and the new ones taking their place. Then to add even more to that, High School ended in 4 years and so did college. What we deemed a lifetime is such a small amount of time. When you were younger and watched all those teen shows about high school. It seems like that part of life never ends but in reality, it's only 4 years. That is such a small fraction and yet that felt like such a long time. High School felt like it never ended (Well, for me at least). But we all could not wait for the day we graduated from either college or high school. We crossed off days, finished projects, all to get here. We had to keep moving and keep changing. Always thinking the next semester will be better. The last year of college holds something we have never seen. That was life. It was ever expecting the next thing would be better.
Now though, who knows? I can't base my happiness on getting through this period of time, hoping the next will be better. There is no set time. There is no end until I make it so. I don't know how I feel about having this power. "With great power comes great responsibility" (Yay! Spider-man. Yes, I am talking about becoming an adult and using comic books to help me. You know I am not ready for this.)
There really is no way to end ramblings so I am just going to say thanks for reading this insanity and I hope it may have helped you feel a bit better about not knowing what the fuck to do next with your life.