Friday, November 16, 2012

Dear David Mitchell,

You don't know me and my favorite (and okay, only) blog-cowriter/friend but we should all be best friends. You may be asking why, okay so you're not actually reading this and therefore asking nothing but just go with it #trainwrecks. Luckily for you, we have compiled a list of all the reasons why we should become best friends.

1. We probably all need more friends. I'm just guessing on your part but my co-writer and I definitely could use one more. Every friend counts! And best friends count even more!

2. We all have a temper. And yes yes, the majority of the human population has a temper but we three seem to have the same sort of temper. I like to call mine rage but maybe you don't. That's okay! Friends need something to debate about.

3. We rant about the same things. Speaking of that temper, you seem to rant on your web show, David Mitchell's Soapbox, about the same sorts of things WE rant about to each other. Things like: spelling mistakes, asking inappropriate questions, men's resistance to go to the doctor, and tv rudeness, and traffic...I tend to rant a lot about traffic.

4. We are all opinion-havers. Yes everyone has opinions, but ours are right! And we are all quite loud about them.

5. You never want to dance. And we, collectively, have what the US comedian Christian Finnigan calls a high dancing threshold. To paraphrase Finnigan, everyone has an invisible line inside of them that when they hear music they have to dance. Now, while I have a reasonably low dancing threshold, my co-writer has quite a high one. So I know that between the three of us, the music has to be really good for us to dance.

6. Not that I know what good music actually is. The last album that I actually bought was...the last physical album that I remember buying...album...was apparently so long ago that I cannot remember it. At all. I understand that you have only two albums...friends yet?

7. We all seem to have no social skills. This reminds me of a time when I was with friends reminiscing of a time where they could not get me to leave because they wouldn't just up and SAY that it was time to leave. After the telling of this story their friend turns to me and asks "Do you have aspergers?" And our friend turns to him and says "Do you have aspergers?"  Oh you've stopped reading this? That's okay, happens to me all time with my real friends. Even my co-writer has stopped reading this.

8. We're all writers. Well you're a writer as in you get paid to write. We...well we write.

9. We sometimes wonder who lets us talk/put things into the internet/be in public. Do you have this problem as well? If we were best friends, we could discuss this.

10. We all clarify our statements. On the off-chance that someone listening to us may be ready to jump down our throats and say things like "well technically, you can't be (insert obnoxious correction here)" we instead, clarify our sentences. Don't believe me? Read the beginning of this letter because it's there, I promise.

So these are all of the reasons why we should be best friends. But if they didn't convince you, here's one more. Being best friends with you means that we get to meet and be friends with all of your super funny, comedian friends! You know, like Rob Brydon, David Walliams, Alan Davies, Jonathan Ross, and Jimmy Carr. Okay, so we want to be best friends with Jimmy too. He's getting the next letter!

Yours truly,
The #Trainwrecks
-Katie and Nora