Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Traffic, an Angry Rant

Okay, yes everyone hates traffic. This is nothing new to anyone. However, we have to live with it...or do we? No, we do, but can we make it better? Yes, we can. There are certain parts of every highway ( I am going to use Chicago's Dan Ryan as my example) where if people just did the courteous thing, traffic would not be half as bad. Let me explain.

See there are parts of the highway where lanes change into on ramps or just end because of reasons. Many act surprised when these things happen, but they should not be surprised because right before that happens there are these really amazing things called signs. (I know, crazy!) They are bright and green. You can even see them when it's dark outside. They are really quite cool. Those signs say "Hey this lane here is not where you want to be. So get over to the other lane now, so others who wish to use this road, may do so. Then there will be no back up when you get to the final part of this lane because no one is hurrying over." I mean they say it in less words, but that is what they mean. And if people listened to those signs, traffic would actually run so much smoother. They don't have engineers deciding where to put signs for their own fun. They use engineers because they can do all those wonderful math things to know where these signs need to be in order to keep traffic moving. However, no one ever follows this very simple instructions and the remain in the wrong lane until the last minute. Hence the evil traffice back-ups that turn me into a ball of rage.

Now there are certain things I know about everyone behind a wheel of a car.

1. They can see (If they can't, that is a cause for concern and they probably got there license in
Lombard...(yes that joke is very specific sorry, but I had to do it)).

2. They can read. (In order to get a license you must pass a written test and that test proves you either can read or you're a really good guesser.)

3. The driver must be looking forward (Driving backwards on the highway is dangerous. DO NOT ATTEMPT!)

Now, I do not know why people remain in these lanes when they have all the proper tools, stated above, to do the correct thing. I do not know whether its because they think they are too good to be in the slightly slower lane, they are just dumb, or they are generally always lost. So I have decided to give all of them the same reason. I decided that they all want to be in that lane. (I like to show a little optimism in this dark, dank world with this reasoning.)

Yes, they all want to go to Indiana. I am not sure why they wish to go to Indiana. It seems odd to me, but I do not judge.  I know they wish to go, so I am going to help. So when I reach that inevitable point on the highway, where everyone must change lanes or go to Indiana, I do not allow them in  my lane. (No, this is not me being petty and mean. Didn't you read above. This is me showing optimism. Just let me live the lie, okay!) I am just helping them keep their life choices. They obviously knew what they were doing. They have all the tools to do what needs to be done and haven't done so. That means they must have just forgot they wanted to go to Indiana. And by me not allowing them in my lane, I am doing them a service. I am just helping them remember that they wished to go to Indiana. I mean there is can't be any other reason for them to be in the white lined, not-supposed-to-drive-here, part of the lane, trying to squeeze over into my lane; because that would just mean that they are just a bunch of self-serving assholes, who think they are above following the traffic laws and guidelines, so they can shave a total of 4 minutes off their 45 minute commute home and ruin the entire commute for everyone else!  (Sorry, got a little angry there.) And that just seems like ridiculous way for anyone to behave to me. Considering if they did not do that at all, they could definitely shave more than 4 minutes off their commute. I mean it would eliminate one whole part of the traffic problem. So they must have all just forgot they wanted to go to Indiana and need reminding. So please allow me to remind you.

That is my rant on traffic. I needed to do it. It was a catharsis thing for me. Hopefully reading this helped you get out a little traffic rage as well.

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