Employment Oppurtunity for Richard Ayoade

"You see why I have Richard on my team? Because he ends punchlines with "naval policy" -Noel Fielding via Big Fat Quiz 2010
Richards response to this quote (started typing 'quote' and accidentally wrote 'quest'...wonder what that says about me? We'll discuss that later.) Richard's Response: "Welcome to the Niche Corner."

Really those lines should be enough to prove my point: Richard Ayoade should follow me around and handle all my interactions with people, mainly arguments. That my friends is what this post is all about. I need someone to handle my arguments and that someone must be Richard Ayoade. Don't get me wrong, I am quite witty (and modest) but sometimes in a crunch, I have nothing and the nonsense that Richard can come up with would save me every time.

Here are some examples of some of his best lines:
NVM: "So basically what you're asking me to do is not have my face."
           "Lady Gaga 'Bad Romance.' Or Bard Romance, a song about Shakespeare."
           "Let's not stoop to jokes."
           "I need 5 minutes to shower my mind."
BFQ 00s: "Can you legally make yourself a cake."
BFQ: "I'm a nerd leave me be."
          "Why don't we call ourselves the specky nerdy fucknuts and be done with it."
BFQ '12:  “That it is a cake, is their first line of inquiry. 'Is it a cake?' They ask. 'Cause if it’s not, get out!' Can it be held? Cause if it can’t…I can’t eat it. I need to be able to hold this cake. And the last one is just integrity Do you have integrity?”
                "He said, "I betrayed everyone I care about." -Response to what  Felix Baumgartner's last words before falling to earth.
                "That they sanctify the water, and he's agnostic. It's not like he's completely uncomfortable with it, but he just doesn't want it forced on him." -Response to what did Michael Phelps admitted to about the olympic swimming pools.
8O10C: "I find the best way is to lie to yourself about who you are, and what you've done, and where you're going." Response to how to boost your self-esteem

Dear Richard,

Seriously, how amazing would it be if you were at home and your mother or whichever parent annoys you the most starts yelling at you about cleaning your room or going to bed and he appears? You're 22 years old. Obviously, you can take care of yourself. But no matter what you say to your parent, it's always like talking to a brick wall. But then suddenly Richard appears like a super hero (maybe even in a cape. That would be cool. He wouldn't wear a cape. It's going to be hard enough to get him to hide at wherever I am and then suddenly appear when needed. Nevermind, no cape. I'll let him choose his own work attire.)

So he appears and begins responding to your whichever parent's words with utter craziness like "I don't think she should clean her room. Learning how to throw live wasps is a much better use of her time." or "No, she can't go to bed. The nightmares about goat's in trees will consume her." and so on. What can anyone say to those things? They are just crazy but amazing! I am not saying that I can't come up with insane things but I can't on the spot. I am just not great under pressure. But I could have Richard there and he could save me every time.

He can always keep a straight. Which is something that will also help win every argument. He says these crazy things, and then just acts as if he just offered a piece of toast. Look at this face here:

                                            

That is the face he makes every time. How could you not believe that face? He is dead serious right there. He could have just said everyone on polling day was bitten by a horse (Big Fat Quiz), but he stares you down with seriousness and then you feel you have to just go with it. You know he will not back down.

Keeping a straight face is also something I just lose at every time. I try so hard, but I cannot help but laugh every time. I have to say the line over and over before I find it not funny anymore. (What? I just love to laugh) That is not helpful in real life situations though. In real life, everything is a reaction, and you never know what might come out of your mouth. Most likely, it is the first time you say to a guy handing you a gym membership deal, "Oh you think I am active." If you say that all the time, you live in a very odd place. After I say odd things like that, I do one of two things; one: cringe and apologize or two: giggle and apologize. Richard though would appear again, say his most mastered nonsense, and then just stare at them like they are the crazy ones. No one would ever question him. They would just leave me alone and move on with their day.

He would win every argument with those two things. You can't argue with crazy because logic no longer exists. He knows this and uses his skills masterfully. So Richard if you would like this job, let me know. The only benefits are getting to hang out with me and my friend(s) and speaking in only odd statements.

However, if you do not wish for this position also let me know. I will need to write Misha Collins. He is next on my list for this job.

Thanks,

#Trainwrecks

Twitter: Andimatrainwrec (Katie), npalmerco08 (Nora)

Tumblr: Aaanndimatrainweck (official),  kahildreth (Katie), stillnuttypony (Nora)

Yeah, we did just re-read that and wonder who lets us talk to people.

New Year's Eve Nerdgasm: Youtube Nerds in Review

In honor of the new year, here is a video compiling all the top youtube videos of 2012 into one. Mostly you should watch it for the amazing Felicia Day appearance, but it is pretty funny anyways.

What were some of your favorite nerdy things of 2012? We would love to watch, read or just see some of your favorites.

Here is some of ours

Star Wars Sings "Call Me Maybe"

"I'm Nerdy and I know It" Parody

The Guild Cast sings "I'm the One that's Cool"

Mr. Blobby on Big Fat Quiz of the 90s (Not so much nerdgasm as comedygasm)

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hope 2013 brings us even better, nerdier things to share!

Make sure to follow us too on:

Twitter: Andimatrainwrec (Katie), npalmerco08 (Nora)

Tumblr: Aaannddimatrainwreck (official), kahildreth (Katie), stillnuttypony (Nora)

Dear Jimmy Carr,

as a fan of this blog, I know that you've read our letter to David Mitchell. You're sitting there, in your desk chair wondering "Why me next? These two girls are already going to be best friends with David, can they really have more than one best friend?" Well don't worry. We are open to many variations of this friendship. There is the version where we are all best friends in one group. Where my co-writer Katie and I are best friends with the two of you individually which requires us to split our time with you (something we are definitely willing to do). You can decide or we can have a discussion with the four of us. Whichever is easiest for you, really.

Get off the phone with the nice people with the white coats #trainwrecks, I haven't lost my mind. It's more like if I just assume that Jimmy Carr, world (our world at least) famous comedian/host/adorable man is a fan of our blog, then maybe one day he actually will be. It never hurts to have hope, people!

So Jimmy, continuing with our tradition (one letter is totally a tradition, stop judging.) here is a list of reasons why we should be the best of friends.

1. What better reason than we adore your stand-up/hosting skills and really, really just want to be friends. We already love what you do, which I'm guessing is something you really love to do and so we can talk about that. That's what friends do.

2. We enjoy British panel shows. Shows that you seem to know a lot about because you are either a guest on or hosting all of them. This leads us to believe we have similar interests which is also a major component of friendship.

3. You host 8 Out of 10 Cats and The Big Fat Quiz of the Year. We read the newspaper. All of these things deal with current events. Which, if we were friends, we could discuss. Have I convinced you yet?

4. We don't care about your tax scandal. I looked into it after it was referenced on 86 (ish) panel shows and wanted to know what was going on, I read all about it and said "That sucks but I love him anyways." We still believe you're a moral human being and that's really what matters. Friends have to believe in one another!

5. You have the best laugh. It is big and really fills up a room. Many people tell us that we also have big laughs and so we won't make fun of yours, we will embrace it. It doesn't hurt that because it is so funny, that anything you say that makes you laugh will also make us laugh.

6. The way you wrangle people on your shows. It is only a skilled hand and gentle(ish) tongue that could truly get those people in line. And yet you do it, and you do it well. I happen to be known as the slave driver who makes jokes among my friends and my co-writer, Katie, is the perfect person to practice on. How about it?

For these reasons, and many more do we want to be best friends with you. Just think it over, and if you want to get in contact with us, to discuss our new friendship (or you are reading this blog and are not Jimmy Carr but would like to get in contact with us); you can do so at the following:
Twitter: Andimatrainwrec (Katie), npalmerco08 (Nora) and on
Tumblr: Aaannddimatrainwreck (official), kahildreth (Katie), stillnuttypony (Nora)

If I Were to Have a Dating Profile...

It would definitely be full of things sane people would say. To give you a quick "what not to do" lesson on dating profiles, I've taken this totally random profile that I just happened to find and have copied some of the....more #trainwreck worthy parts here. Let's see if we can figure out where this totally random author went wrong.

Favorite Music: Currently in a "I hate the Top 40 stations so I'm only listening to the country station" phase, but I've also been known to listen to those Top 40 stations (anything there from roughly '98 to '05 I've got down.) Could be worse, you could have listed Bieber...or current Brittany Spears songs (and no, those are not the only things I know about today's pop music.)

Favorite Music continued: I'm also currently in a "Find people on the internet --> become mildly obsessed with their covers/original music" Search Youtube for Justin Robinett, Alex Goot, and Chad Sugg...they are fantastic.  Okay, no one (except for you and your awesome friends) knows who these people are.  And let's face it, all of these people looking at your profile are way too into bands you've never heard of.

Favorite TV Shows: And I'm also in love with British Panel quiz shows...don't laugh, just YouTube The Big Fat Quiz of the Year '06-'11 or the 80's 90's or 00's.  Or, if music's your thing try Never Mind the Buzzcocks from season 23ish on, and if you really just like watching funny people be funny (With British accents of course) try Would I Lie to You...Last one I promise (for now), if you're super smart or just like having all of your favorite hosts/guests from the BFQ or Buzzcocks or WILTY in one place AND happen to love Stephen Fry go watch QI its his game show where he throws out interesting facts about things that we've most likely forgotten about and actually have to use our brains to remember...I know, crazy.  Woah, slow down crazy. These shows are all better watched with groups anyways, better to wait until you meet that lucky someone in person to introduce them to your friends favorite celebrities, such as: Jimmy Carr, Rob Brydon, Jason Manford and Phil Jupitus...oops, now I’m doing it.

The Six Things I Could Never Do Without: This is a stupid question but: Friends, family, (although at this point, those are really the same thing) books, diet coke (or coffee), good food, Theater, and vodka with seltzer...or a screwdriver...or half long island iced tea and half lemonade...or 312 ....alright fine I cheated, I had more than six things and almost half are alcoholic drinks. Don't judge, can YOU really live without your favorite drink? Alright, not bad...but maybe next time focus more on things like laughter or love and less on alcohol. Although really, it's near impossible to pick just six favorite things. (Also,she's right, it is a stupid question.)


You Should Message Me If: I'm obnoxious and long-winded, I know, but how about message me if you have something actual to say and not just hi? Is that too much to ask? Probably. Well, at least you know you're obnoxious and long-winded. Hopefully you also know that by now, everyone has long since stopped reading your profile because we live in a generation of "tl;dr."

I feel like if this hopeful dater were to write a defense she'd say (and really, I'm just guessing here) that the reason her profile is set-up like this is because this is a true representation of who she is as  a person. That those are all things she really loves and is passionate about; and that yes, there is a very high probability someone can name a popular band or song and she'll say "No I'm sure I've never heard this before...is it on the country station?" That isn't it better that we get all of our "crazy" out at once instead of locking our true-selves away until the 3rd/5th/25th date in accordance with some silly rules that people apparently follow?  Yeah, she'd definitely say something like that.

Anyways my dear #trainwrecks, have we learned anything from this sad, sad attempt at a dating profile? Well, if it's only one thing, I think I've learned that this person will be single forever. 

Big Fat Quiz of the USA

Big Fat Quiz of the USA

So if you don't know what The Big Fat Quiz of the Year is, here is a link. Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2006 Just watch it. I know it's and 1hr and 40 minutes long, but it's so worth it. Actually, watch all of them including the 80s, 90s, and 00s. Go now! I will wait........................................................................................................................... ..................................................................................................................................................................
..................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................................................I know, amazing, right? Told you! Moving on. Totally new found respect for Russell Brand.

Now that you know it is, you must agree that the US needs to steal that too. I mean that is what we do right? "The Office," "Being Human," "IT Crowd" (Yeah we tried to steal that, and it failed. Go find that clip. Joel McHale as Roy is interesting to say the least, but Moss is still the same!)
So, we need to steal this show too. My friend and I have come up with the perfect first set of teams. Obviously, after our first year we will have more. The show is too funny. Please submit your team ideas.

Here is our First Set

Team 1: Chris Hardwick and Wil Wheaton

Team 2: Joss Whedon and Seth Green

Team 3: Rachel Dratch and Scott Adsit

Host: Craig Ferguson 

Here is the reasoning for the teams. Knowing this will help us sell the idea to everyone and explain why it needs to be this specific at first. 

Team 1: First off, they are friends and hilariously funny together.  Also, they are two of the biggest nerds out there. Nerds always need to be on TV and comment on what happening in the world more. Watching them in any capacity be it podcast or twitter fights is always hellishly amusing and downright phenomenal. Done and done. 

Team 2: Well what is there to say about the God that is Joss Whedon. You know he would bring amazing things to the table. His is witty and a fantastic writer, and who knows maybe by the end of the quiz, this show will actually have a plot. Seth Green would be his partner because they have done some great audio commentary on Buffy, and I think bringing them back together would be great for some good old nostalgia. And who doesn't like nostalgia?

Team 3: There cannot be a show with comedian teams with out representing the biggest thing in comedy: SNL. Also, both came out of The Second City. Just a little knowledge for you. Technically this team can have a bit of change, but we would like to keep it to the SNL/30 Rock family. 

Host: Okay, yes he is not American. We know that, but he is not British either. So there! He is, however, insanely funny, and used to dealing with crazy comedians and celebrities. A big part of the hosts job is to reign in these crazies when necessary, but still be funny at the same time. That is not an easy task, (Why Jimmy Carr is amazing and we love him) so we need someone with experience. Also, we will never accept Ryan Seacrest for this position. You must be mad.

Look, it really shouldn't be that hard to get it off the ground. We just need the rights, a producer, a set, tons of money and 7 specific comedians (3 teams of 2 and 1 host.) Once we get that, we are golden. Who wants to head up that project? Anyone? We can discuss this. Let's just get the details out there so the person knows which comedians to call.